Ready or Not...

My very long Christmas break from school is almost over. I wanted to write a blog explaining everything that I learned during my first semester at college, but every time I sat down to write it, I felt like I was being fake. I learned so much during my first semester. My faith was challenged and stretched in amazing ways, but sometimes writing those things down makes them seem less important or less amazing. Every time I wrote it all down, I felt like I wasn't doing my story justice. I'll just sum up my first semester at college with this statement: God is good all the time.

I go back to school in 3 days, and to be entirely honest, I'm dreading it. I'm excited to have something to do again. Being stuck at home without a license gets old pretty fast, so it'll be nice to be busy again. I'm going to be extremely busy this semester. I've signed up for 18 units, and I'm also part of the missions conference staff. The missions conference is in the middle of March, so I know the first couple of months will be extremely busy with the preparations for that. Maybe busy will be good, but right now it just sounds awfully intimidating.

I don't feel ready to go back to school. I don't want to say goodbye to my mom. I feel like we didn't get to spend enough time together. I don't want to leave my dance studio again. I missed ballet so much during my first semester, and being back at dance felt so great. I don't want to leave my sisterhood, my best friends through all of elementary school, middle school, and high school. I don't want to leave my church and my sunday schoolers and the kids I babysit. I don't want to leave home. I'm just not ready. I feel as if I'm starting college for the first time all over again, but with less excitement this time around.

I'm not sure where all this anxiety is coming from, or why I'm so nervous about returning to school. The one thing that is encouraging is that God is meeting me where I'm at, and leading me through my fears and anxieties. I may not be ready for what I feel like He is calling me into, but He doesn't need me to be ready. He just needs me to be willing to follow Him.


I've been going through the book of John this month, and 1:42 really stood out to me:

Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas" (which translated is Peter.)

Cephas is Aramaic, Peter is Greek, and both mean rock. If you know anything about Peter, you know that he was impulsive and relatively unstable in the Gospels. However in Acts he was a pillar of the early church, solid and strong in his faith. Jesus came along and named him not for what he was, but for what he would become through the grace of God.

I feel like Peter, like God has called me to do things that I am simply not capable of right now. Why is God expecting these things of me? Doesn't He know that I am weak? Does He understand just who it is that He has called?

Then I remember that just like Peter, God is calling me to do things in His strength. He is calling me to do things that I will only be able to do by His grace. He is calling me for the things that I will become. He does not need me to be ready. He just needs me to be willing to follow Him.


-Savannah


Prayer Requests:

1. For strength to get through this next semester
2. For reliance on God as I step out of my comfort zone
3. Peace in the midst of whatever may come this semester