My flesh may fail..

I had a frustrating morning at my neurologist appointment. I just don't like my doctor very much, and I feel like he treats me like a statistic rather than an individual case with individual needs. It's frustrating being on a medicine that makes me tired and gives me mood swings, and then being told that it's the only medicine I can possibly take. Also the simple truth is that I'll be on medication for the rest of my life, so I'd really love to be on one that allows me to be a normal functioning person. I have headaches all the time, and I can never get enough sleep. My grades are starting to drop because I'm just not functioning anymore. It sucks, for lack of a better word.

With that said, I'm feeing discouraged. I don't care if I have to take medication for the rest of my life, as long as it's some sort of medicine that allows me to lead a relatively normal life, free of seizures. As my doctor so nicely put it today, "there's no cure for epilepsy," and the best I can do is just wait around and hope that there might be a day when I no longer worry about these things.

The truth is, there might not be healing here on Earth, and that sucks, but that's life. What my prayer is is that God will use me to glorify Him. If I can be used as a testament to God's grace, and his ability to work through anyone, then I will count myself blessed. I sometimes feel as if my dreams and passion for ministry cannot be reached until this seizure disorder is gone, but who am I to put limits on what God can do? God has called me into ministry, and that call came to me just as I am. I might always have seizures, but I know that our biggest struggles turn into our biggest ministries. If anything this whole situation is just teaching me about God's love and faithfulness, and His ability to work through our struggles and trials. We sang this song a couple weeks ago in chapel, and it hit me so hard.

"Give me faith to trust what You say, that You're good, and Your love is great.
I'm broken inside. I give you my life.
I may be weak, but Your spirit's strong in me.
My flesh may fail, but my God you never will"

Health issues are frustrating, and it seems like they never go away, but in the midst of persistent health issues is God, who truly never fails. He is with me through every bump in the road, and while my health may fail, He never will. It's such an encouragement to me to know that God is holding me through all of this, and will never let me down.



-Savannah



Did that actually make sense? Oh well.