Be Still

I have been having a rough week. Honestly, things have been really hard lately. With my health getting worse, and my homework getting harder, I'm having trouble being motivated to even try at times. Tuesday night in my Foundations of Spiritual Formation class, our teacher sent us out of the class an hour early so that we could spend time meditating. He gave us a passage in Philippians to read, and said we could either meditate on that, or simply meditate on whatever it was that we felt God was leading us toward. I left class, and made my way up to a garden on the rooftop of the Talbot building. I sat down, and prayed, and began to read the passage my prof had given us.

I started out by telling God that I really didn't have a great idea on what meditation should even look like. It's definitely a spiritual discipline that I need help in, and I was already feeling discouraged only 2 minutes into my hour of meditating. I read the passage a few times, and I really had no idea what Paul was trying to say. I didn't have my study Bible with me, so I had no references or explanations at the bottom of my page helping me understand it. It was so frustrating, and I kept telling God that I was open to hearing whatever He wanted me to learn from that passage. I was trying so hard to open myself up to God and be open to hearing what He has to say, but it was super frustrating. The benches up in the garden are extremely uncomfortable. I didn't understand the passage of the Bible. I couldn't seem to hear God's voice. I just did not understand what was going on. I was flipping back and forth through the Bible trying to find a verse that made sense or related to what I was going through. I read all of the preceding verses in Philippians, thinking maybe context clues would help. I tried everything I could think of in order to "meditate" on this chapter.

Then I heard God in a loud voice saying "Be still and know that I am God." So of course, my first thought was to try and recall where in Psalms those words were written. I flipped over to Psalms 46 quickly, and again I heard God say "Be still and know that I am God." So I stopped flipping my Bible for a second, and this time I heard God's voice saying, "Be still, Savannah." Okay so I was feeling pretty convicted, because by this point, I was not being very still. I had changed the position I was sitting in a million times, I had read 10 different passages in scripture, I had journaled a good two or three pages, and I had not been still. At that point, I put away my Bible and my journal, laid down on the uncomfortable bench, and I was still. Not only was I literally still, I became mentally still. Anytime my thoughts began running wild, God again told me to be still.

I suck at being still. The business of school and relationships and health issues take a hold of me most of the time. My thoughts are always running wild, and my body is always running wild. The idea of being still is completely foreign to me, and yet there I was, hearing God telling me to be still.

I sat in silence for a long time. My head was emptied of thoughts. My body was restricted from moving. I was still. There were a couple times I started praying, "Okay, God, what do you want to tell me as I'm being still?" but God kept repeating that I simply needed to be still. After much time was spent in stillness, God allowed me to study the next sentence in that Psalm.

The verse continues "and know that I am God." Through my stillness God helped me to realize that He is God over every area of my life. He is God over my health issues, and my grades, and my relationships, and my friendships. He is healer, redeemer, encourager, provider, my strength. He is conqueror, all-powerful, everywhere, and never changing. He is my all in all.

Of course after realizing this, I felt so convicted about my pride. I like to fix things. I like to solve things and get rid of problems, and see the results of my hard work.

With my increasing health issues, I have found that I am so powerless to do anything. I take my meds and I changed my diet and I can't seem to find anything that will make me get better. I am powerless. It's been frustrating and it's been discouraging, but what God really showed me was that I need to be still, and realize and accept  that He is God. I cannot just say that He is God. I need to live it out.

At this time in my meditation, I opened up my Bible to Psalm 46:10, and read the entire verse. This is what it says:

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalm 46:10)

The verse ends by saying that God will be exalted. If I am the one healing my health issues or providing the means for me to get through school, then I would be the one receiving the glory. My ultimate goal in life is to live for God and bring glory to Him. I want God to be glorified in my life, and this isn't going to happen if I am prideful and in constant pursuit of the newest solution to my newest problem. I need to be in constant pursuit of God, of the one who heals my sickness and carries my burdens. I need to be in constant pursuit of the one who provides grace when I become prideful. 

This week has been hard. Life has been tough lately, but I am being still, and knowing that He is God. God is in control. I am not. It's hard for me to admit, but it is also such a relief. I am still discouraged by issues that don't seem to be going away, but my action plan from here on out is to just be still. Be still and know that He is God.

-Savannah

"I've given my life to the only one who makes the moon reflect the sun. Every starry night that was His design. I've given my life to the only Son, who was, and is, and yet to come. Let the praises ring, cause He is everything" -Chris August