San Francisco

“Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it, or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.”
-Sylvia Plath


I've been contemplating starting a new blog for a long time. My life is going through so many changes right now, and God is moving in so many ways in my life. I've always been a big fan of journaling, but sometimes I want the feedback of others on what is going on in my life. Sometimes I want to share what God is doing through me. So here I am, a new blog and a new person. Hopefully I'll keep up with this blog, and through this, my friends can keep up with me.

The quote posted above perfectly describes what has prevented me from writing about my missions trip to San Francisco. I journaled every day I was up there, with details about what I did each day, who I spoke to, what I was feeling, and what I was thinking. Some years I post all the journal entries from the week, but this year I feel as if my words simply did not capture the true feelings and experiences from San Francisco. I'm going to try to write a short post about it here, and hopefully I'll be able to write it just the way I want to.





This was my fourth year going to San Francisco, and truthfully, I was more nervous about going than I had been any other year. My favorite leader was gone, and my faith felt dried out. I knew that the ministry opportunities up there would still be just as amazing, regardless of how things had changed, but I was still uncertain. I kept praying and praying that God would use me, and then I would finish an outreach activity feeling disappointed and let down. It was like I was praying that God would use me and work through me, and then the second He tried to, I put up my walls. I was so closed off to the idea of anything new, that God couldn't use me. My walls were built so high and my heart was so hardened. I kept praying though, and God did what He had to in order to bring my walls crashing down. It wasn't easy; in fact it was a very painful process as God chipped away the bad pieces in order to make room for good, however it was so necessary. God did use me that week. I am entirely convinced of that. I don't believe my prayers went unanswered. I believe that God often works through us in ways we don't see or understand. Sometimes God plants a seed through us, and at some point in the future, someone else will see the full plant grow because of the seed we planted. I think this year, San Francisco was about seeds being planted. Not only did God plant seeds through us, but He planted them in us. He really broke me down up there, and now I can shine for Him. Of course I'm still making mistakes, and of course satan is quickly trying to undo all that God has done in me, but my life was changed up there. As the worship song goes, no power of hell and no scheme of man can ever pluck me from God's hand.
I'm grateful for the experience I had this year. It was different, and it was painful, but it was life changing in ways that the other summers up there haven't been. It's amazing how God will use you if you offer your life to Him.


-Savannah Laurel



p.s. How did I do?