My Prayer in the Fire

I've had an eventful couple of weeks, and while they've been a struggle for me, they've also shown me how many people truly love and care about me. With that being said, I decided I should update my blog, in case anyone wants to know how I am doing. (I won't be offended if you stop reading right now)

Last Thursday night, I had 4 seizures at dance and rehearsal, and by about the middle of us learning the finale for Wizard of Oz, I felt extremely sick. I hurried off to the bathroom, thinking I was about to throw up. Of course this has always been a telltale sign of a seizure coming on, but I didn't think about it, and went into the stall and collapsed. Fortunately my friend Emily realized I had walked off stage, followed me, and was able to get me to a more comfortable spot in the girls' dressing room where I could lay down. My head was pounding, I was seeing double everything out of my left eye, and everything was blurred out of my right eye, and I had completely lost feeling in my limbs. We called back one of the moms who was a nurse, and after some basic checks, she suggested Mrs. Tierney take me to the emergency room. I won't go into all the details of the cute doctors and paramedics, or the difficulties of doing a urine sample with a leotard and tights on, and an IV in one arm, but I will tell you that it was an exhausting night. The doctor eventually told me to up the dosage of Keppra I was taking a day, and to relax and not over exert myself the next few days.

So that's what I've been doing since then. I'm taking a lot of milligrams of this drug each day, especially considering how tiny I am, but because the seizures are getting worse, the only thing to do is give me more medicine. I'm experiencing all the side effects of the drug extremely, especially the dizziness and drowsiness parts of it, and I'm not even up to my full dosage yet. I'm exhausted all the time, and since I just took my medicine about 10 minutes ago, I should probably finish this blog since I'll be knocked out within the next 5 minutes.

Needless to say, prayers would be appreciated right now. Between increased seizures and increased meds, and dance class and play rehearsal, I've barely had a chance to sit down and breath. I'm exhausted physically and emotionally pretty much all the time, but my faith is remaining constant, even with all the trials I'm going through. With that, I'm going to be cheesy and end this blog with a verse from one of my favorite worship songs:

"This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames"


While I would love to be entirely healed from any epilepsy in my body, I know that healing may not be in God's plan for my life. I also know that I worship a God who brings greater things through our sufferings than I could ever imagine. I worship a God who holds me through the seizures and the hospital visits and the many doctors' appointments. I worship a God who is constant, when my health and everything around me is always changing.




-Savannah

San Francisco

“Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it, or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.”
-Sylvia Plath


I've been contemplating starting a new blog for a long time. My life is going through so many changes right now, and God is moving in so many ways in my life. I've always been a big fan of journaling, but sometimes I want the feedback of others on what is going on in my life. Sometimes I want to share what God is doing through me. So here I am, a new blog and a new person. Hopefully I'll keep up with this blog, and through this, my friends can keep up with me.

The quote posted above perfectly describes what has prevented me from writing about my missions trip to San Francisco. I journaled every day I was up there, with details about what I did each day, who I spoke to, what I was feeling, and what I was thinking. Some years I post all the journal entries from the week, but this year I feel as if my words simply did not capture the true feelings and experiences from San Francisco. I'm going to try to write a short post about it here, and hopefully I'll be able to write it just the way I want to.





This was my fourth year going to San Francisco, and truthfully, I was more nervous about going than I had been any other year. My favorite leader was gone, and my faith felt dried out. I knew that the ministry opportunities up there would still be just as amazing, regardless of how things had changed, but I was still uncertain. I kept praying and praying that God would use me, and then I would finish an outreach activity feeling disappointed and let down. It was like I was praying that God would use me and work through me, and then the second He tried to, I put up my walls. I was so closed off to the idea of anything new, that God couldn't use me. My walls were built so high and my heart was so hardened. I kept praying though, and God did what He had to in order to bring my walls crashing down. It wasn't easy; in fact it was a very painful process as God chipped away the bad pieces in order to make room for good, however it was so necessary. God did use me that week. I am entirely convinced of that. I don't believe my prayers went unanswered. I believe that God often works through us in ways we don't see or understand. Sometimes God plants a seed through us, and at some point in the future, someone else will see the full plant grow because of the seed we planted. I think this year, San Francisco was about seeds being planted. Not only did God plant seeds through us, but He planted them in us. He really broke me down up there, and now I can shine for Him. Of course I'm still making mistakes, and of course satan is quickly trying to undo all that God has done in me, but my life was changed up there. As the worship song goes, no power of hell and no scheme of man can ever pluck me from God's hand.
I'm grateful for the experience I had this year. It was different, and it was painful, but it was life changing in ways that the other summers up there haven't been. It's amazing how God will use you if you offer your life to Him.


-Savannah Laurel



p.s. How did I do?